Listening is one of the most important skills any of us can develop. But it’s not easy to do. Way back in 1957, an article in the Harvard Business Review said it pretty bluntly: “people in general do not know how to listen.” And I’m afraid that, in the sixty-plus years since that article was written, things haven’t changed all that much.
Why is that? The article offered two main reasons. One was that each of us has “emotional filters” that affect how we deal with the words and ideas of others. So if the subject matter is something we don’t like to think about, we might just tune out. A second reason is related to the first, that we tend to want to hear only from people who think and act like we do. So when we engage with someone who sees the world differently, we might be tempted to ignore those viewpoints that conflict with our assumptions and beliefs. Those two points remind us of how hard it is to listen well, especially to someone who views the world differently.
But the good news is that we can improve our listening skills. It requires hard work, but we can learn to listen better. A more recent article in Psychology Today points us in that direction. It points out a key problem: “we often think we’re listening, but we’re actually just considering how to jump in and tell our own story, or offer advice, or even make a judgment.” But then the writer lifts up the goal of listening to understand, which is characterized by open-mindedness and a desire to connect with the other person, to let their words guide us toward some common ground.
Consider that, as we engage with people whose spiritual journey is different from ours, it may feel impossible to truly connect with them and to reach across the gap that separates us. But taking this approach of “listening to understand” can open the door to finding common ground and recognizing that we’re all working to make sense of our lives and of the world we live in. And as we do better at listening, we begin to gain new insights from the other person or the other group, insights that can help us live more fully and authentically.
The college experience challenges us to take on this task and listen to understand. And I hope that, as this semester unfolds, all of us will put in the work to strengthen our listening skills. That will help us to bridge some of the divisions that seem to be all around us, and it will help us to move forward in a more positive direction.
I hope that gives you some food for spiritual thought.
Larry Lindstrom has been the Multifaith Campus Chaplain at Sinclair since 2016. He provides programs on different faith traditions and encourages students, faculty and staff to explore their spiritual journey. Lindstrom also serves the college as the liaison for the office of LGBTQ+ Support. You can contact him at larry.lindstrom@sinclair.edu.