As I was growing up I was taught to deal with my problems myself. I needed to be a strong black man and not show any true weakness. Weakness leads to the world or my community thinking I’m weak and can’t be dependable for anything.
I was told that therapy or even conversations with a counselor was something you just didn’t do.
Well this is one misconception I am all too eager to dispel.
Last semester I started to feel the full emotional and psychological weight of dealing with school, work, dieting, relationships and what my potential future may look like if I failed at any one of those things. I began to feel as if I was drowning on dry land. I just felt emotionally and physically drained every morning even with a full eight to ten hours of sleep.
This all came to a head after I went for a free teeth cleaning and was told I couldn’t due to high blood pressure. This small little thing set me spinning and I was truly on the verge of tears due to the fact that I had been tirelessly dieting and exercising in preparation for an upcoming physical fitness test.
The emotional dam was about to break. I could feel the tears starting to well up and the emotional walls I had constructed in my mind about to crumble. I really needed to talk to someone.
But who? I didn’t dare bring this problem to my friends in fear of some unknown consequences of the idea that I wasn’t good enough to deal with these simple stressors.
My mother was busy with her work as a clerk for women infant care, (W.I.C) so she didn’t have a lot of free time. I was at a loss until I remembered a flyer I had seen about counseling services on campus. I quickly walked over to the fourth floor of building 10 and asked to see someone immediately.
After a few minutes I was placed with the counselor. As I sat there telling them the reason I was there today the tears started to fall freely. A faucet was turned on and streams of salty tears rolled down my cheeks.
It felt amazing! And not only because the crying and opening up was a release I didn’t know I needed. The reason I got this feeling was because I had someone just to talk to, who truly listened and didn’t judge. Someone who didn’t try to offer quick fixes but gave suggestions. Someone who was there with compassion, concern and real, genuine interest in me and my situation.
I was truly lucky to have found that and continued to see the counselor for the rest of the semester before my classes. It helped me put things in perspective and slow down and take things one at a time.
This worked for me, but will it work for you dear reader?
All I know is that it is more dangerous to hold things in, in an attempt to look strong and confident in front of your peers. But finding someone to console with and talk through all the problems you have, that takes true strength.
So if you ever need a true sympathetic ear, or just a warm smile as you lay out your burdens, trials and tribulations I hope, no I urge you to find someone you feel comfortable and safe with to talk and be real with.
It’s time to end the stigma surrounding going to therapy or counseling. Because how can you be real with yourself if you can’t be real with anybody else?
Justin A. Baker
Staff Writer