I have a feeling most people know what ‘the talk’ usually entails, whether you were ever given ‘the talk’ or not.
No, I’m not here to reiterate what your parents or some website on the internet has to say about sex; I want to talk about the culture we have built up around talking about sex, but more specifically the lack thereof.
It seems to me that our society has two extremes. We can become wholly consumed by the fantasy and exaggeration of sex, but sex can also make people very apprehensive in a way where we feel that sex is a private and sometimes shameful activity.
Right now, I want to focus on the second view. The apprehensive, sheepish approach to sex that seems to rule the parent to teen relationship and why I believe that this approach must be terminated for the benefit of current and generations to come.
People pretty commonly associate teens with sex. That’s no secret, we have all kinds of stereotypes about it, just watch a good old classic teen movie like, “Mean Girls” or “Ten Things I Hate about You”.
Now, not all teens are having sex, but a decent amount of them are and those that are not, chances are they still aren’t not abstracted to sex.
There are always the parents that deny sex ever being of mind to their teen for various, but usually religious reasons, but while a lot of parents are much more aware to the reality and may even joke about it, it still seems to me an ample amount are resistant to converse with teens about even the bare logistics of sex.
So, this is where I see the big problem. We know a sufficient number of teens are going to have sex, we want them to be pragmatic and safe, but instead of being direct with teens about sex, we put our trust into other resources to educate teens on the precautions of sex.
The resource I think most parents depend on, would be whatever sex education program their child’s school offers, but by relying on the school alone to educate your child on sex, you are really just playing a gamble.
The problem with sex education in schools are many, but to name a few big ones, abstinence -only programs are still used all too often, some schools do not require students to take this program at all or even until their senior year and as a parent, you cannot control what the teacher is telling your child or if your child is even in physical or mental attendance.
By parents not playing an active role in your child’s sex education, you are leaving them vulnerable to the faulty and even harmful misinformation from their peers, the media and the internet. Now, not all of these sources are flawed; your child may have very well educated peers or know how to get around all of the bunk online, but isn’t it better to know your child didn’t only learn about sex from porn or the kid in his English class who thinks ‘double-wrapping’ is the best form of birth control?
When I talk about conversing with your child on sex, I don’t mean giving them a little homemade abstinence program, we know just telling teens not to have sex doesn’t actually prevent them from having sex, it just promotes uninformed sex, but what we do know is that being honest about sex and the risks (comprehensive sex education), does make teens wait longer, be more cautious and even stay abstinent.
When teens know the feasibility of pregnancy, STD’s and they know how to prevent either of these things, it is very likely they are going to choose more carefully and utilize the available precautions.
Another issue that is not so easily answered is, what age is it appropriate to have the ‘the talk’. I don’t think this is a one size fits all answer, but as a teenager I know this will vary on the community the person is involved in and their maturity.
I think the goal should be to have ‘the talk’ before another kid or website has the chance to taint their knowledge, but with all these children carrying iPads everywhere it can be hard to keep up.
So, in a very complicated and sex crazed world, not everything will go as planned, but the most important thing is to have an open and honest relationship with your child, so at the least they won’t be afraid to ask you.
Let’s stop being afraid of ‘the talk’ and instead fear what may come about if ‘the talk’ does not take place.
Hannah Hamlin
Reporter