The obsession for social media has created a new format for communication and human relationships, but has technology gone so far as to kill romance?
It has certainly changed the “dating game” and some may even say it has added complications to the process.
Before the 21st century, romantic partners didn’t have to think about whether they needed to tag a photo with their other half or if their significant other was texting potential “hook ups.”
Social media and texting aren’t particularly conducive to building a strong romantic relationship with your partner, especially when the other person is focusing on communicating through the computer or smartphone.
“Not only is social media such as Facebook changing the way we relate to each one another, many are also confusing digital intimacy with true intimacy, “ said Dr. Rachel Needle, a psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida.
Social media, essentially over shares personal details, while altering the image and life of the user, so it’s easy to get carried away into a fantasy life while exploring social media, according to Christina Steinorth, a psychotherapist aand relationship author.
“It makes it tempting for individuals to stray from their committed romantic relationship,” Steinorth said. “People typically report very flattering things about themselves on social media…when this happens it can lead someone to think ‘Hey, that person is better looking and more interesting than my partner…’ and leads to a grass is greener mindset.”
Counseling psychologist, Sally O’Reilly said some people “see technology as an unwanted third person in the relationship. If one partner is constantly on Facebook, this might be interpreted as a preference for Facebook friends over the real life relationship. If our partner is beside us feeling ignored, we have a problem.”
Romance and dating have seen their simple times, and all though it would be nice to receive a love letter or a phone call, instead of a “Netflix and chill” text, technology isn’t slowing down for us anytime soon.
Now, with the overload of dating sites and social media, people can increase their dating choices, but the downside is that based on what you put out on the internet, the potential partners may be judging you off of superficial information.
“There’s not a dating service on this planet that can do what the human brain can do in terms of finding the right person,” Anthropologist, Helen Fisher said.
In Aziz Ansari’s book, Modern Romance, he talks about how stressful crafting the perfect text is and how it causes him angst—how long do you wait till you reply? What do you say back so that it doesn’t look like you’re too desperate, but you still want to go on a date? Are you being too forward or not forward enough?
“The key is to get off the screen and meet these people. Don’t spend your nights in endless exchanges with strangers,” Ansari writes.
Although there are endless options on how to communicate, Ansari said that society shouldn’t forget there are human beings behind the social media and smartphones.
Technology and the digital age have created new challenges of trust and dishonesty in relationships. According to Ansari’s book, roughly 84 percent of Americans feel that adultery is morally wrong, however approximately 24 percent have been involved in affairs, possibly tempted by social networking.
According to USA Today, approximately 31 percent of men and 33 percent of woman agree that asking for a date via text message is less intimidating than a phone call, and 44 percent of men said it’s easier to flirt and get acquainted through social media or texting rather than face-to-face.
Professor at California State University and clinical psychologist, Beverly Palmer, said that relationships could end prematurely because texting doesn’t have the same level of intimacy that someone’s voice has.
Ruthie Dean, author of Real Men Don’t Text, said the millennial generation—born 1982 to 2000—experience a lack of communication because they have their heads down in their smartphones rather than experiencing life and relationships.
“We don’t know how to express our emotions, and we tend to hide behind technology, computers and social media,” Dean said.
Research in 2014, conducted by Princeton Survey Research Associates found that 42 percent of 18-to-29-year-olds said their significant other had been distracted by their phones and 18 percent of them had argued over the amount of time that they spent on social media.
Psychiatrist, Dr. Edward Hallowell said the use of social media and texting alienates each other, and before you know it, you’ve been establishing a greater relationship with your phone instead of your partner.
“You really do need time and attention in order to feel empathy, in order to feel trust in order to feel closeness. Particularly busy working couples don’t know how to turn it off,” Hallowell said.
Psychotherapist, Christina Steinorth, said “all the time and energy that goes into maintain a lot of social media can take away from the one-on-one time couples share.”
Don’t let facebook define your relationship. Psychology Today said that the more anxious or fearful a person is, the more time they will spend monitoring their partners social media posts and usage—this results in jealousy and insecurity.
“Culture and technology have always shaken romance, but history shows that we’ve continually adapted to these changes. No matter the obstacle, we keep finding love and romance,” Ansari writes.
Instead of writing a love letter or going on an old-fashioned date, Valentine’s Day—hallmark holiday or not—may be dehumanized by sending a heart emoji to your romantic partner. Is love translatable through technology or will society fail to communicate their hearts’ motives?
Gabrielle Sharp
Executive Editor