Dear Gabby,
Essentially, I’m writing to you because I’ve been seeing this guy for a while on and off.
He used to be four hours away, so we would see each other on school breaks. Now, he is only an hour away, and I want to pursue things romantically, but this past weekend, he wasn’t giving me much room to be romantic. I don’t usually put myself out there, so I fear I might get friend-zoned.
I feel like we could actually have a good relationship, and I would like to see where it would go, but I’m worried he doesn’t. Any advice?
Sincerely,
Fretting about the friend-zone
Dear Fretting about the friend-zone,
Oh, the good ole friend zone. It’s easy to be the one who puts someone there, but when the tables turn, and we end up in the friend-zone, then the feelings change.
I think our generation is used to being so disconnected that we are now craving some connection. Some people don’t feel the same, and in that moment, we enter the infamous friend-zone.
Honestly, I think it’s extremely unfortunate, but I don’t think it’s always a bad thing. I think honesty is the best policy.
The worst he can do is say he doesn’t want to see you romantically. It might hurt for a bit, but I guarantee you’d rather have someone who craves to be in a relationship with you, rather than someone who just sees you as a fling.
Try talking to him about how you feel and how you hope to see your relationship change to something more romantic. I think it’s worth it, if you really want him.
Everyone deserves an explanation, so if he decides you aren’t best for him, then ask him why and what he’s looking for.
I, personally, don’t see a reason to stress over it. He may be slow at processing his feelings or deciding what he wants, so be patient. He might feel the same, but it seems from your circumstance that the only way to find out is to ask him.
Having him as a friend is just as rewarding, I’m sure. It’s different than a romantic relationship, but a friendship can also give you that emotional connection we all crave.
I hope he can turn the boat around, and give you what you want. I don’t know his feelings, but I assume he needs to step up—even if that means that he gives you a for sure “yes, I want this relationship”, or “no, I don’t”.
I’m sure it’s frustrating, especially since you are putting yourself out there. But keep your heart open, be honest about your feelings and who knows, you may be far from the friend-zone.
Don’t fret,
Gabby