It may only be food to you, but to me it’s the Eighth wonder of the World!
I know, as well as the next person, that food is the sustenance of life, but that isn’t what I’m praising. Twinkies do not sustain life. They, and all their wonderful cousins (junk food in general) do, however, make life fun. I like fun, or perhaps I should say fun food, and, like most Americans, I have fun down to a science.
The controversy over what foods are good or bad for you is an issue that people like me choose to ignore. It takes all the fun out of eating.
Please understand that I am what researchers term average. That means I have no blatant eating disorders or illness, which might be aggravated by consuming large quantities of fun food. No danger at least for the next 24 hours. So, bordering on deliberate ignorance and pure bliss, I indulge (and sometimes bulge).
I know there are others who feel as I do but it’s a little embarrassing to admit to some of the behavior. For example, I often wake up in the morning thinking about all the really neat things I can eat that day. Mind you, my thoughts are not of whole grains or veggies. My thoughts are of chocolate, pizza, nachos, and the like. Fun, remember?
I keep hearing about the hazards of sugar but I try not to listen. I enjoy the shot-of-steam it gives me! A couple of chocolate chip cookies for breakfast and I move through my morning at a rate Superman would envy.
Speaking of breakfast, coffee, in it’s pure unadulterated state is incredible. One cup and the eyes are open, two cups and the body is moving. Three cups (added to my cookies) and driving to school is much easier because I can go after “all the idiots” on the road before they come after me. Fun? I don’t want to discuss it because I seem to be argumentative mornings, for some odd reason.
Lunch at school is a real chore. All the food is separated from people like me by steel, glass, and Saran Wrap. “Proper” portions are doled out, from a safe distance, by people who would beat me with a wooden spoon if I got out of control. Of course the salad bar is accessible, but my kind doesn’t hang out there too often. Lettuce is nice but you could scarcely call it fun.
I also am forced, in public, to behave with a little dignity. Left to my own devices I would fill my tray to overflowing with Snowballs, chips, fries, whatever. Fun! It boggles the mind to think how quickly I would then be able to zip through the afternoon.
My favorite season is just around the corner. Gifts are okay, but I’m thinking about the parties. Nobody really cares if you stay by the food all evening and graze. Sure those chips and cheeses collect on the hips but it’s no big deal. Winter clothes conceal a lot and I can always fast during Lent.
The truth is, I know I should reform, but fun food has a way of calling me with voices as magical as Homer’s Sirens. Maybe I’ll make a commitment to mend my ways – tomorrow. How depressing; think I’ll go have some fun first.
- Tue. Nov 5th, 2024