This year on Feb. 14, everyone, everywhere will spend their day in anticipation of a big date, receiving an abundance of flowers and chocolates and making sweet puppy love to their significant other while you, “forever alone,” sit on the sidelines in abandoned solitude.
Well, that might be a bit of a stretch.
But for some, including single students, the reality of Valentine’s Day stands in contradiction to the fairytale-like perception we hold. In fact, this day can result in dissapointment, depression and anxiety.
Jeffrey Geers, Introduction to Mass Communication instructor at Sinclair Community College, believes the media holds a heavy influence on how people perceive the importance of major holidays and the significance of “big, sweeping romantic events.”
“There’s definitely this weird narrative that is portrayed in television and movies, maybe a little bit in popular fiction in terms of books and magazines, that emphasize this kind of idealized romance,” Geers said.
Eric Henderson and Gwen Helton, counselors in Sinclair Counseling Services, said they believe the majority of students who seek support from counselors are dealing with relationship-related issues and that students dealing with loneliness is not uncommon.
“We get students who are lonely, or have no social support or family support and kind of feel like they’re doing this all on their own,” Henderson said. “So, one of the things we look at is how to build social support for them. Sometimes it is just us… but sometimes we try to find ways for them to get involved on campus or out in the community — just looking for alternative ways to find support that they can get a motivation and an energy from.”
Helton said that during Valentine’s Day, as well as other holidays, television and commercial messages regarding love and relationships can be a trigger for singles.
But Henderson and Helton suggested considering that not all couples celebrate Valentine’s Day.
Most people have experienced loneliness and most relationships aren’t filled with romance. Many are separated from loved ones due to long distances and some also deal with the grief of losing a loved one to death or divorce. However, one should remember that their feelings are valid if they feel they should, go have a good cry and talk to a trusted friend, confidant or counselor.
Henderson and Helton proposed devising an action plan that might include planning an activity with a single friend, treating yourself to flowers, candy or jewelry, avoiding sad music and romantic movies, “paying it forward” by spending time with someone who has recently been divorced or widowed and to always take time to care for yourself.
Henderson said the Student Leadership Development Office might be a good source to find activities, clubs or other groups that could help students identify their interests and connect with others on campus.
Helton added that Counseling Services could also link students to similar resources in the community or assist in helping students find long-term providers if more in-depth counseling is needed.
For those looking for love, Henderson and Helton recommend considering why you’re not currently in a relationship, reflecting on past relationships, making a list of qualities you want in a partner and to be open to the possibility that you can love again, now and in the future.
“Remember, your thoughts are powerful — they create your life,” Helton said. “Keep them positive and focus on what you want. You can’t change the past and you can’t predict the future. Stay in the moment, it is all we really have.”