It’s July, which marks the beginning of Disability Pride and History Month. This month disabled people around America celebrate themselves and our rich history.
My personal journey with my disabilities began when I was born prematurely. I have learning disabilities, chronic illness, a speech impediment, and motor skill issues. In early childhood I went through intense physical therapy to help correct my walking, teach me better motor control, and help me learn more skills for independence. I also had speech therapy and additional tutoring until middle school and high school, respectively.
As a kid I felt abandoned by the adults in my school and alienated by my peers. I had to teach myself to hide this part myself, I got better at masking. Obsessed with social interactions and cues to allow myself to be less identifiable as disabled.
I, of course, didn’t censor myself entirely and still was me. However by sixth grade I was convincing enough that no one outside of my elementary classmates and my teachers knew I was disabled unless I told them! I (stupidly) forced myself to not use all of my legally given accommodations. I over-achieved, wanting to prove that I wasn’t less. I was hyper protective around any conversations around my medical history.
The pressure I gave myself to succeed reached its boiling point in senior year. I stuck it out and graduated, however I was burnt-out. Within two weeks I continued my college education I had started in high school through CTC. Carrying that burnt-out stress and trying to ignore it.
The pandemics isolating nature forced me to directly confront the pressure I was forcing myself through. Finally cracking nearly two decades of repression. I said “screw it” and began publicly acknowledging my disabilities. In the darkest time of my life I was unwittingly granting myself freedom. I’ve always considered myself authentic and someone who couldn’t care less about the opinions of others, but the pandemic showed me just how intensely I had been masking.
I am much more comfortable now and I hope to help people like myself to learn that it’s okay to be proud of this. Use your accommodations without fear, you were given them to help level the field. There’s no shame in being disabled! There’s no shame in being neurodivergent! There’s no shame in seeking equality for yourself!
LeAnne McPherson
Reporter