Friendships serve several benefits for individuals, including reduced stress, a stronger immune system, as well as an emotional outlet, according to Brandon Jablonski, associate professor of Psychology at Sinclair Community College.
“The definition of friendship, by my estimation, is rooted in intimacy — the sharing of intimacy,” he said. “That means sharing things with someone that you wouldn’t share with someone else.”
Individuals will start to think of their acquaintances as friends when all parties self-disclose information about themselves, and share a bond with one another.
“A lot of it comes down to that feeling of how much the other individual is invested — how much they’re giving to the situation, how intimate they are,” he said. “That does play a significant role in whether something goes from being an acquaintanceship to a friendship. It’s a matter of feeling as though you are invested in that friendship, and for that to happen, it’s not just you feeling invested. There are two people, and both individuals have to feel invested. If that doesn’t happen, it can either maintain as an acquaintanceship, or completely go away.”
If there’s a connection between two individuals who consider themselves friends, they will feel like they can self-disclose to each other without being forced to do so.
“Early-on in relationships, you tend to find that individuals will feel that [if] I tell you something, you have to tell me something,” he said. “As you move in deeper into a friendship, you feel less held to that … That is how they (friendships) develop —individuals get that feeling that there is that connection, that there is that trust, that there is that reciprocity, and so we feel more comfortable in our relationship with that person.”
Proximity, reciprocation and attractiveness are factors that play a role in whether or not a relationship moves from acquaintanceship to friendship as well.
“Factors that contribute to friendship are proximity, we tend to be friends with people we are in the same class with, live near or work with. When we’re young, those tend to be pretty dominate reasons, and they continue to be throughout our lives … but when we’re kids, we tend to make our decisions to a greater extent based on similar interests. As we get older, what tends to happen is true friendships develop because of psychological wants and needs, so things like trust, openness, intimacy … [and] reciprocity.”
Life stages and lack of proximity can play a role in friendships fizzling out. For example, if one friend has a child while the other does not, they may find that they don’t have as much to talk about. He said individuals seek people they can relate with.
“Distinct major life events can play a pretty significant role in [maintaining friendships],” he said.
Friendships not being balanced can also be a factor in friendships ending.
“Those tend to be the ones that fall apart,” he said. “It’s a matter of the investment.”